I opened up the microwave today to warm up some leftover chili for lunch and sitting in the microwave, sad and all alone, was the cup of coffee that I had microwaved for myself and forgotten.
I microwaved it on Tuesday. Two days ago!
That is the kind of week it has been. I am tired! And today, especially, was rather trying. Or, rather, my anticipation of today made it rough.
Wednesdays are my long days at work, and generally feel harder than the other days I am at work. To make the day a little bit longer it ended with a training. Voluntary, but I do need to get continuing education credits from somewhere! I saw my girls for about 15 minutes on Wednesday so that was rough. Then I slept about 2 hours, from around 10 or 10:30 until 12:30, and then I was wide awake. I am suspicious that the coffee I had at the restaurant for the training was not decaf, because normally I don't have trouble sleeping like that. But I also suspect that I was anxious.
I am generally not an anxious person. And I love the verse, "and who of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" Because if I ever do feel anxiety, this puts me back in my place. God is in control. I have nothing to worry about, and in fact worrying will be damaging, not helpful.
This is also one of those "mom judge" stories where I have been given a good spoonful of humility.
Today, Heidi had an appointment with a dental specialist to look at her teeth. At her previous (and first, by dental recommendation) dentist appointment they noted some significant decay. I was (still am) shocked. Both Heidi and Sophia love brushing their teeth. Like, they actually enjoy it. They love flossing, they love brushing, I have to limit the time they spend doing it. Sophia is a Colgate model; her teeth have always been beautiful and she has always done well with brushing them. I made the same assumptions with Heidi. We brush carefully; I (usually) monitor their brushing. They aren't eating "sugary snacks" at night. They have the same diet! But Heidi's teeth are in a terrible shape. And she has never once complained.
I did find out that some of those "healthy snacks" may be culprits. I let them have a "healthy snack" if they are hungry. Sophia and Heidi both love craisins and that is often a go-to snack. Apparently raisins and craisins are just as bad as gummy fruit snacks. But, would it have mattered? Because Sophia has those same snacks and doesn't have the same dental problems. Who knows. But I tell you this: I will never ever negatively judge a parent whose kid has a lot of cavities.
I dropped off Sophia and Bethany with Danielle so that it could just be Heidi and me at the appointment today. She truly did an amazing job. She allowed them to take pictures and was saying how "easy" the x-rays were, and was even asking if the dental hygienist could take more pictures of her mouth. She loved picking out another toothbrush (Cinderella!) and really had a positive experience.
I, however, was an emotional wreck. She needs to have two pulpotomies (think pediatric root canal) on her back two lower molars, and every other single back molar needs to either have a crown or fillings. They are also going to seal the teeth. But they are estimating 4 to 6 crowns; it is difficult to be sure until they are in surgery.
As I was going over the paperwork in the front I was trying really hard not to cry in front of the staff and was failing. Partly because I was overtired. Partly because I have overwhelming mom guilt. Partly because I'm terrified that my three-year-old has to go under anesthesia.
We are going in about a month and a half to get surgery on her mouth. Lots of work all at once. I am so grateful to God for my dental insurance, which has an incredible plan and that was really the silver lining for this whole ordeal.
As scared as I am, I am surrounded by so much blessing. I have had nothing but encouragement and comfort from friends. I have been reminded about not being anxious and placing my trust in God, because the lives of my children are in his hands, from their conception to the end of their days. I have felt a weight lifted today. My dear girl. We haven't talked much about the surgery yet; at 3 I don't intend to build up her own little anxieties about it, but I know she'll handle it like a champion. If she can handle a bee sting on the eye, this girl is already braver and stronger than I am.
|Playing with "smile faces" (Snapchat) at the dentist's office|